Part II Chapter Seven (第1/2页)
tart, I too is t of my mistakes.
I imagiable, sliuc. t, I t runs, like ink. I to save t do migaggered beating of clocks. Beyond t e oter cries: tics, ts and scolds of nurses. For table raps upon it to keep o trap separates o prevent ting of ongue; anot I migraps remain: tear me in t me upon . I suck, and the
about me. till, t falling blood— drip drop! drip, drop!—t telling off t fees of my life, t of hen sinks for ever.
I feel it, and suck me.
I pass my first ten years a daugo tabby cat upon t cat, a to pet and dress e-grey go like t ure keys upon it, and call me little nurse. I sleep urn, in ties upon to me, I suppose—and divided in tics, one side for male. I see only t me, as toucers. Otroublesome, and to stand before and strike to my il thing so droll.
ts of discipline and order; and ially appretitudes of insanity. ter.
o reason I am given a g said to be my fatrait of a lady called my motand I am an orp, never s love—reatly troubled by t, in t cy. I singing void an eye for letters. I I suppose I s all my days a nurse, tentedly teasing lunatitil I die.
So nine and ten. Some time in my elevento tron of to make me some treat. I am ead, she
greets me strangely, and meet my eye. tleman, s ttle to me. It ime. Step closer, tron says. tleman c of black, and a pair of black silk gloves. ter to study me. ending to il I stand before s o pass ongue across tongue is dark at tip.
S makes enoug, for all t. hows her voice?
remulous, plaining, like the shadow of a shivering man.
Say a o tleman, says tron quietly. Say how you are.
I am very ly. tleman winces.
t will do, hen: I hope you whisper? I hope you od?
I nod. Oh yes.
I ?
I .
Be silent, ts better. urns to tron. I see s o keep . I dont care at all for is too plump. It , and slouc of a t? Did I ask for t?
tron colours. It of to keep ume of the house.
o provide sport for nurses?
ick upon turns again to me, but speaks to her. he says, how well does she read?
ext a rate.
tron , and again tleman ly! il I speak it in a murmur. te t while he looks on.
A girls heless.
I am also pleased. I uand from I er I ed ters are my undoing. tleman leans id tilts acles, the bloodless rims of his eyes.
ell, miss, o e and live in my pus lip at me, mind! o e to me, and learers?
ruck me. I s not at all, I say at once.
tron says, For shame, Maud!
tleman snorts. Peremper after all. Sy foot, at least. So you like to stamp, miss? ell, my o stamp in, far ao fits ttle o feed you, and t—hmm?
s do upon it. ru to tron and does not look at me again. ake up t to the floor.
I go! I cry. make me!
tron drao ake a ious lunatics, but noure is to be, in the house of my uncle.
Some men o
take me . All at once, I must give up my little mad of cloto dress me to s, o tiffened from to t ig my plaints, pulls tiges time for o take me, ts a pair of scissors to my o take a curl of o keep inside a locket; and, t, take up knives and scissors of t me until my ears at t. tresses like gulls— ti t e ss hard behind us.
a place to raise a girl in! she says, passing a handkerchief across her lip.
I speak to rait gos me and makes my breats c my ankles. My last I tear tplatly. Got a temper, of knitting and a parcel of food. t of salt and te eggs, boiled , to break t of it. t eat it, but let it jerk til it falls upon tut tut, s t. Sakes out ting, t beside iff, in a miserable rage. times rees. the window-glass, dark as blood.
I to grimness and solitude, tered is tillness of my uncles be day. tops at a door, split dohe middle
into to tremble. t I take to be a pos Mr ay, your ue make some gesture s teps do I let ake my to tease—for I imes seen nurses curtsey, laugo lady lunatics. o a dark seems to lap at my buff goer or is t my uncle cultivates in her men grow vines and fl creepers.
takes me up a staircase quite even, and times torn: my nes make me clumsy, and once I fall. e up, d no stay to me—t like ted filled raits, sing blades, creatures in frames and cases. taircase turns upon itself, to make a gallery about t every turning tant grubs, in tand servants, e to see me make my progress the house.
I do not knos, lunatics.
co the woman.
o see your face, so see if you turned out her.
I y mot t; and am hem.
topped before a door. handsome is as hand-
some does, s died. to be yours.
Sakes me into to t joins it. ttle as if battered by fists. t is er noo ttle fire—I am too small to see my fa tand and shiver.
S your mittens, says ter sakes my cloak from me, t ug all you like, s s you, it s a busio see you , after t say. Notle girl lift up s and piddle?
Scs a cloter and washes my fad hands.
I sa. Sefuller t teac house of yours?
I long for my little oo, and knle and limp. At lengteps from me and wipes her hands.
Lord, hink hell make a lady of you.
I dont to be a lady! I say. My uncle ake me.
I s e youve made us.
tifled ringing of a bell, times. It is a clock; I uand it, o to t told tics to rise, to dress, to say to take think,
No as before. Even tcs ired. Again my boots catcs. alk softly! says the woman in a whisper, ping my arm. heres your uncles room, look.
Sakes me in. put on ter sun striking t strangely. t t is t suitable for ted; and t is pink. I suppose all printed o be true ones.
ts me very ands at my back, s surface is cap assel on a fraying ther, paler, pair of classes.
So, miss, epping toiles? he asks her.
Rather ill, sir.
I see it, in her eye. here are her gloves?
t hem.
My uncle es close. An unhappy beginning. Give me your hand, Maud.
I give it. tc t and lifts it. My to . My uncle . he shakes his head.
No a set of coarse fingers upon my books, iles bring me a nurse. I s o make ter. Your , , t are kept out of ts o t of , and uncoils from it—one of things,
t bookmen use—a line of metal beads, bound tig, seeming to smartly doiless assistance, akes my oto t.
ting like a t bloiles releasing my s, I put my fio my mouto weep.
My uurns to aowards his ears.
Keep silence, girl! . Mrs Stiles pinc makes me cry last I groill.
ell, ly. You s fet ture, hmm?
I s smiles. Mrs Stiles. Youll keep my niece mindful of ies? I e tame. I t orms and tantrums, stray too far, mind! You must be in reach of her, should she grow wild.
Mrs Stiles makes a curtsey and—under cover of plug my trembling so keep it from falling into a slouc, t again, as the sun.
Now, says my uncle, w, w you here.
I put my crimson fio my face, to wipe my nose.
to make a lady of me.
he gives a quick, dry laugh.
to make a secretary of you. do you see these walls?
ood, sir.
Books, girl, s plad turns it. t as a Bible. t er all,
mig ing different qualities of madness. I feel t advan t.
My uncle keeps to , and taps its spine.
Do you see title, girl?—Dont take a step! I asked you to read, not to prance.
But too far from me. I sears return.
ress. I s! Look do t t my er sultation —an eye-doctor. t for ordinary gazes. Let me see you step once past t pointing finger, and I s of t doing til t you sime; but at my word, and wand me, hmm?
I do not. I am already groious, and nod as if I do. s ts place, lingering a moment over the shelf.
t ime—a favourite of itle is—
But notle w.
After my uncle et me. I stand for anoter-s e, and ruggle a moment t, Mrs Stiles darts from to lead me back upstairs. I suppose youre tle girls always are. I seful for a we egg now.
I am admit to it. But so e, and t and a glass of s red o
bear, some I sears , and tiles stand togetce alole cloak over myself, tle iles at terrible fear, and a sense of many ly tolled. I believe it is seven ht oclock.
I say, I so be taken home now.
Mrs Stiles laugo t a plaqe to call your home!
I shey miss me.
I so be rid of you—ty, pale-faced little t you are. e s your bed-time. So unlace my goug a.
I say, Youve no me! Youre noto me! I my mot love me!
trait at my t. ts all teful you , to knoeady. You must o give you the figure of a lady.
Saken tiff buff dress from me, and all tig t grips me s a nigo my e skin gloves, c ts. Only my feet remain bare. I fall upon tcill.
See e, tle daug died. Semper like a lambs. le-tempered co die, and peeviso t say. hy
your motune, surned out tras live to keep your fingers smooto a lady, is a puzzle. eep all tful tears you like. You s ter.
Scakes me to to t, y bed, ts doains. t: sells me it leads to anotempered girl sleeps ten in t, and if I am anyt still and good and quiet, she will hear; and her hand is very hard.
Say your prayers, sive you.
takes up the lamp and leaves, and I am plunged in an awful darkness.
I t a terrible to do to a c terrible, even noraining my ears against ting blay oer. My corset . My knuckles, tugged into tiff skin gloves, are starting out in bruises. No clock ss its gears, and fort I from my idea t someco s of tics lice to aking it for anotempered girl t sleeps door is ed, and tle me o , close by—unnaturally close, to me to be: I imagi tain, a to cry. t I ears e strangely. I long to lie still, so t guess t I am t tiller I try to be, tcly, a spider or a mottling last, and jerk in a vulsion and, I suppose, shriek.
t bethe
seams of tain. A face appears, close to my o tic, but t of t my little tea of biscuits and s wine. Sgown, and down.
Noly. s it to my rokes my face, and I groears flourally I say I ics, and she laughs.
tics ot you glad, to t is only strange for you o it.
Sakes up . I see , and begin at once again to cry.—! she says.
I say I do not like teo lie alone. Sates, tiles. But I dare say my bed is softer t is er, and fearfully cold. S last t sil I sleep. She darkness.
Sells me s me rest my t you like it here?
I say I t a little, if s; and at t stles ably upon ttress.
S once, and face-cream. , at t, and I find t for sleep to e—as if I am tumbling into t darkness and t will save me.
I am telling you t you mige t work upon me, making me w I am.
day, I am kept to my to se my terrors of t, t do it! I cry,
tearing tiles beats me. My go being so stiff, ss riking of my back. I take tle solation I mig.
I am beaten often, I believe, in my first days t be ots, tings of ty y of my uncles o fits and foaming tempers. I am an amiable t. I dasable to til ts fly from my il my t bleeds. My passions are met s, eac. I am bound about ts and mout into lonely rooms, or into cupboards. Oime—urned a dle a til taken by Mr ay into to t remember, noal—t ti try silence, like so many clocks. tick for tiles es to release me I and ot be uncur
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tart, I too is t of my mistakes.
I imagiable, sliuc. t, I t runs, like ink. I to save t do migaggered beating of clocks. Beyond t e oter cries: tics, ts and scolds of nurses. For table raps upon it to keep o trap separates o prevent ting of ongue; anot I migraps remain: tear me in t me upon . I suck, and the
about me. till, t falling blood— drip drop! drip, drop!—t telling off t fees of my life, t of hen sinks for ever.
I feel it, and suck me.
I pass my first ten years a daugo tabby cat upon t cat, a to pet and dress e-grey go like t ure keys upon it, and call me little nurse. I sleep urn, in ties upon to me, I suppose—and divided in tics, one side for male. I see only t me, as toucers. Otroublesome, and to stand before and strike to my il thing so droll.
ts of discipline and order; and ially appretitudes of insanity. ter.
o reason I am given a g said to be my fatrait of a lady called my motand I am an orp, never s love—reatly troubled by t, in t cy. I singing void an eye for letters. I I suppose I s all my days a nurse, tentedly teasing lunatitil I die.
So nine and ten. Some time in my elevento tron of to make me some treat. I am ead, she
greets me strangely, and meet my eye. tleman, s ttle to me. It ime. Step closer, tron says. tleman c of black, and a pair of black silk gloves. ter to study me. ending to il I stand before s o pass ongue across tongue is dark at tip.
S makes enoug, for all t. hows her voice?
remulous, plaining, like the shadow of a shivering man.
Say a o tleman, says tron quietly. Say how you are.
I am very ly. tleman winces.
t will do, hen: I hope you whisper? I hope you od?
I nod. Oh yes.
I ?
I .
Be silent, ts better. urns to tron. I see s o keep . I dont care at all for is too plump. It , and slouc of a t? Did I ask for t?
tron colours. It of to keep ume of the house.
o provide sport for nurses?
ick upon turns again to me, but speaks to her. he says, how well does she read?
ext a rate.
tron , and again tleman ly! il I speak it in a murmur. te t while he looks on.
A girls heless.
I am also pleased. I uand from I er I ed ters are my undoing. tleman leans id tilts acles, the bloodless rims of his eyes.
ell, miss, o e and live in my pus lip at me, mind! o e to me, and learers?
ruck me. I s not at all, I say at once.
tron says, For shame, Maud!
tleman snorts. Peremper after all. Sy foot, at least. So you like to stamp, miss? ell, my o stamp in, far ao fits ttle o feed you, and t—hmm?
s do upon it. ru to tron and does not look at me again. ake up t to the floor.
I go! I cry. make me!
tron drao ake a ious lunatics, but noure is to be, in the house of my uncle.
Some men o
take me . All at once, I must give up my little mad of cloto dress me to s, o tiffened from to t ig my plaints, pulls tiges time for o take me, ts a pair of scissors to my o take a curl of o keep inside a locket; and, t, take up knives and scissors of t me until my ears at t. tresses like gulls— ti t e ss hard behind us.
a place to raise a girl in! she says, passing a handkerchief across her lip.
I speak to rait gos me and makes my breats c my ankles. My last I tear tplatly. Got a temper, of knitting and a parcel of food. t of salt and te eggs, boiled , to break t of it. t eat it, but let it jerk til it falls upon tut tut, s t. Sakes out ting, t beside iff, in a miserable rage. times rees. the window-glass, dark as blood.
I to grimness and solitude, tered is tillness of my uncles be day. tops at a door, split dohe middle
into to tremble. t I take to be a pos Mr ay, your ue make some gesture s teps do I let ake my to tease—for I imes seen nurses curtsey, laugo lady lunatics. o a dark seems to lap at my buff goer or is t my uncle cultivates in her men grow vines and fl creepers.
takes me up a staircase quite even, and times torn: my nes make me clumsy, and once I fall. e up, d no stay to me—t like ted filled raits, sing blades, creatures in frames and cases. taircase turns upon itself, to make a gallery about t every turning tant grubs, in tand servants, e to see me make my progress the house.
I do not knos, lunatics.
co the woman.
o see your face, so see if you turned out her.
I y mot t; and am hem.
topped before a door. handsome is as hand-
some does, s died. to be yours.
Sakes me into to t joins it. ttle as if battered by fists. t is er noo ttle fire—I am too small to see my fa tand and shiver.
S your mittens, says ter sakes my cloak from me, t ug all you like, s s you, it s a busio see you , after t say. Notle girl lift up s and piddle?
Scs a cloter and washes my fad hands.
I sa. Sefuller t teac house of yours?
I long for my little oo, and knle and limp. At lengteps from me and wipes her hands.
Lord, hink hell make a lady of you.
I dont to be a lady! I say. My uncle ake me.
I s e youve made us.
tifled ringing of a bell, times. It is a clock; I uand it, o to t told tics to rise, to dress, to say to take think,
No as before. Even tcs ired. Again my boots catcs. alk softly! says the woman in a whisper, ping my arm. heres your uncles room, look.
Sakes me in. put on ter sun striking t strangely. t t is t suitable for ted; and t is pink. I suppose all printed o be true ones.
ts me very ands at my back, s surface is cap assel on a fraying ther, paler, pair of classes.
So, miss, epping toiles? he asks her.
Rather ill, sir.
I see it, in her eye. here are her gloves?
t hem.
My uncle es close. An unhappy beginning. Give me your hand, Maud.
I give it. tc t and lifts it. My to . My uncle . he shakes his head.
No a set of coarse fingers upon my books, iles bring me a nurse. I s o make ter. Your , , t are kept out of ts o t of , and uncoils from it—one of things,
t bookmen use—a line of metal beads, bound tig, seeming to smartly doiless assistance, akes my oto t.
ting like a t bloiles releasing my s, I put my fio my mouto weep.
My uurns to aowards his ears.
Keep silence, girl! . Mrs Stiles pinc makes me cry last I groill.
ell, ly. You s fet ture, hmm?
I s smiles. Mrs Stiles. Youll keep my niece mindful of ies? I e tame. I t orms and tantrums, stray too far, mind! You must be in reach of her, should she grow wild.
Mrs Stiles makes a curtsey and—under cover of plug my trembling so keep it from falling into a slouc, t again, as the sun.
Now, says my uncle, w, w you here.
I put my crimson fio my face, to wipe my nose.
to make a lady of me.
he gives a quick, dry laugh.
to make a secretary of you. do you see these walls?
ood, sir.
Books, girl, s plad turns it. t as a Bible. t er all,
mig ing different qualities of madness. I feel t advan t.
My uncle keeps to , and taps its spine.
Do you see title, girl?—Dont take a step! I asked you to read, not to prance.
But too far from me. I sears return.
ress. I s! Look do t t my er sultation —an eye-doctor. t for ordinary gazes. Let me see you step once past t pointing finger, and I s of t doing til t you sime; but at my word, and wand me, hmm?
I do not. I am already groious, and nod as if I do. s ts place, lingering a moment over the shelf.
t ime—a favourite of itle is—
But notle w.
After my uncle et me. I stand for anoter-s e, and ruggle a moment t, Mrs Stiles darts from to lead me back upstairs. I suppose youre tle girls always are. I seful for a we egg now.
I am admit to it. But so e, and t and a glass of s red o
bear, some I sears , and tiles stand togetce alole cloak over myself, tle iles at terrible fear, and a sense of many ly tolled. I believe it is seven ht oclock.
I say, I so be taken home now.
Mrs Stiles laugo t a plaqe to call your home!
I shey miss me.
I so be rid of you—ty, pale-faced little t you are. e s your bed-time. So unlace my goug a.
I say, Youve no me! Youre noto me! I my mot love me!
trait at my t. ts all teful you , to knoeady. You must o give you the figure of a lady.
Saken tiff buff dress from me, and all tig t grips me s a nigo my e skin gloves, c ts. Only my feet remain bare. I fall upon tcill.
See e, tle daug died. Semper like a lambs. le-tempered co die, and peeviso t say. hy
your motune, surned out tras live to keep your fingers smooto a lady, is a puzzle. eep all tful tears you like. You s ter.
Scakes me to to t, y bed, ts doains. t: sells me it leads to anotempered girl sleeps ten in t, and if I am anyt still and good and quiet, she will hear; and her hand is very hard.
Say your prayers, sive you.
takes up the lamp and leaves, and I am plunged in an awful darkness.
I t a terrible to do to a c terrible, even noraining my ears against ting blay oer. My corset . My knuckles, tugged into tiff skin gloves, are starting out in bruises. No clock ss its gears, and fort I from my idea t someco s of tics lice to aking it for anotempered girl t sleeps door is ed, and tle me o , close by—unnaturally close, to me to be: I imagi tain, a to cry. t I ears e strangely. I long to lie still, so t guess t I am t tiller I try to be, tcly, a spider or a mottling last, and jerk in a vulsion and, I suppose, shriek.
t bethe
seams of tain. A face appears, close to my o tic, but t of t my little tea of biscuits and s wine. Sgown, and down.
Noly. s it to my rokes my face, and I groears flourally I say I ics, and she laughs.
tics ot you glad, to t is only strange for you o it.
Sakes up . I see , and begin at once again to cry.—! she says.
I say I do not like teo lie alone. Sates, tiles. But I dare say my bed is softer t is er, and fearfully cold. S last t sil I sleep. She darkness.
Sells me s me rest my t you like it here?
I say I t a little, if s; and at t stles ably upon ttress.
S once, and face-cream. , at t, and I find t for sleep to e—as if I am tumbling into t darkness and t will save me.
I am telling you t you mige t work upon me, making me w I am.
day, I am kept to my to se my terrors of t, t do it! I cry,
tearing tiles beats me. My go being so stiff, ss riking of my back. I take tle solation I mig.
I am beaten often, I believe, in my first days t be ots, tings of ty y of my uncles o fits and foaming tempers. I am an amiable t. I dasable to til ts fly from my il my t bleeds. My passions are met s, eac. I am bound about ts and mout into lonely rooms, or into cupboards. Oime—urned a dle a til taken by Mr ay into to t remember, noal—t ti try silence, like so many clocks. tick for tiles es to release me I and ot be uncur
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