Chapter 12 (第1/2页)
S since last summer.
t sold me, ttered t brief moment, time opped and I uood everyt ood o do tood first nig o ears in ood ime and I kept ing by tely clear.
ed Cmas at to be so special . . .
to college . . .
hy shed given me her Bible . . .
It all made perfect sense, and at time, noto make any se all.
Jamie Sullivan had leukemia . . .
Jamie, s Jamie, was dying . . .
My Jamie. . .
"No, no," I o be some mistake. . . .”
But t, and blank. My arted to spin, and I g to igo keep from losing my balance. O I saos to keep trotted across topped to smell some busanding on a stepladder, taking doing to go away.
"Im so sorry, Landon," s saying over and over. It my fusio me from saying anything.
Deep do go ao do, tears filling my eyes, trying and failing to be think she needed.
e cried togetreet for a long time, just a little opeely t t . e cried er t afternoon, and my moto boted to call tor because t someto my fat made t to ion, o be o before hed even finished.
Everyone in tion stared in silent disbelief at t ing for a pune none of told. t ohe wailing began.
e sat told me, and Jamie patiently ansions. S kno anytors could do. It didnt respond to available treatment. Yes, ed, s fi until t fe sarted to feel its effects.
"ts progresses," s;You feel fine, and t keep fig.”
Stifling my tears, I couldnt t the play.
"But all t have-”
"Maybe," sting me off. "Doing t kept me hy for so long.”
Later, sold me t seven montors had given her a year, maybe less.
t mig. treated her.
t ty years ago, and I k.
Only a miracle could save her.
" you tell me?”
tion I asked Id been t. I slept t nigill so sado anger and back again, all nig so and praying t terrible nightmare.
e o tion. It was January 10, 1959.
Jamie didnt look as depressed as I t s t o knorusted even me. I and frig time.
"Id made a decision," so me, "t it ter if I told no one, and I asked my fato do ter today. No oo live, is t ?”
I k didnt make it any easier. I time in my life, pletely and utterly at a loss.
Id never o me die before, at least not a I could remember. My grandmot remember a si feer ories, of course, from bot to me ts exactly ories I mig some ake me flo only for t behind.
No one in my family or my circle of friends o front someteen, a cill very muc time. I only for for me as o ever get angry in okay to talk about ture anymore? My fear made talking to , tient h me.
My fear, made it all ed to spend time een days. teen days seemed like my entire life, but now, w here would be.
On Monday s s s lunco class. Sh school forever; she would never receive her diploma.
I couldnt trate on anyt in class t first day back, listening as teacer teacold us of us had already heard.
to told stories about e for answers.
"I dont kno; was all I could say.
I left sies, bloer lunch.
t t, it seemed, a care in the world.
"; s;this is a surprise.”
o kiss me, I kissed to cry.
"My fat no if youd like to sit on the porch, we .”
"; I asked suddenly. "end t nothing is wrong?”
"Im not pretending t not me get my coat and outside and talk, okay?”
S me, ing for an a and patted my arm.
"Ill be rig; she said.
I o t do later. S, gloves, and a to keep er nearly as cold as it ill, t oo much for her.
"You in scoday," I said.
S;I know.”
"Are you ever going to e back?" Even to from her.
"No," sly, "Im not.”
" sick already?" I started to tear up, and s and took my hand.
"No. today I feel pretty good, actually. Its just t I to be o go to t to spend as mucime h him as I .”
Before I die,s to say but didnt. I felt ed and couldnt respond.
"ors first told us," s on, "t I sry to lead as normal a life as possible for as long as I could. t h up.”
"t t; I said bitterly.
"I know.”
"Arent yhtened?”
Someed o sayno, to say someto explain to me t presume to uand the Lords plan.
S;Yes," s;Im frigime.”
"t you act like it?”
"I do. I just do it in private.”
"Because you dont trust me?”
"No," s;because I know youre frigoo.”
I began to pray for a miracle.
time, and Id read about them in neers.
People regaining use of ter being told terrible act raveling preat up outside of Beaufort, and people o co a couple, and t most of t even I couldnt explain. Old man So berenc an act- imes o sneak off . But tarted praying feveris loud, making people practically jump out of ts. errified look on ouce- poker, but ttering t;I ; Even believe it. "t; to , " do ao our prayers.”
So t nig Jamie mas and began to read. Noo be frank, I just remembered ts-tes could leave Egypt, Jonaer or raising Lazarus from too. I kne practically every cer of tacular, but I learians ament, and I didnt kno t books like Jos nig I read ticus , folloeronomy. t a little sloain parts, especially as all t I couldnt put it do I didnt fully uand.
It e one nigired by time I eventually reae I y-tarts, "t ," but I ed to read to be more important ter an ion t I assumed Jamie ed because it meant someto it said:I cry to you, my Lord, my rock! Do not be deaf to me, for if you are silent, I so t like t. ition as I cry to you for oward your holy of holies.
I closed tears in my eyes, uo finishe psalm.
Some for me.
"I dont knoo do," I said numbly, staring into t of my bedroom lamp. My mom and I ting on my bed. It difficult mont in February t worse.
"I kno; s;but thing you do.”
"I dont mean about Jamie being sick-I kno t.
I mean about Jamie and me.”
My mot me sympatically. S Jamie, but s me. I on.
"Its o talk to t be able to. So I spend all my time at sc t o knoo say.”
"I dont knoo make ter.”
"t should I do?”
S me sadly and put ;You really love you," she said.
"it.”
S;s your telling you to do?”
"I dont know.”
"Maybe," sly, "youre trying too o .”
t day I ter muyself t I say anyt mig Id try to talk to s exactly . I sat myself on old some of my friends and ball team. I told I still t I old o graduation. I spoke as to scire time. Jamie smiled and te times, asking questions every no I time I finisalking t it time I . It didnt feel rigo either of us.
My elling me exactly thing.
I turo t it would guide me.
"; I asked a couple of days later.
By noake on a sligint, and tarting th her skin.
Again I saw bruises. e were inside oo muco bear.
Despite all till looked beautiful.
"Im doing okay," sly. "tors seems to tle.”
Id been ing by every day. time seemed to be slo exactly time.
" I get anything for you?”
"No, thank you, Im doing fine.”
I looked around t her.
"Ive been reading t; I finally said.
"You ; up, reminding me of t believe t only six weeks had gone by.
"I ed you to know.”
"Im glad you told me.”
"I read t nig; I said, " to Job to test h.”
S to pat my arm, on my skin. It felt nice. "You ss not about God in one of ter moments.”
" to him?”
"I dont kno; she said.
"Do you ever feel like Job?”
Stle times.”
"But you lost your faith?”
"No." I khink I was losing mine.
"Is it because you t get better?”
"No," s;its because its t.”
After t, arted reading toget some to do, but my elliill mighing more.
At nig it.
Reading to focus on, and all of a suddearted to get better bet as doing someto offend could be m kno, I ted ture, and occasionally he room.
Otimes Id be sitting beside tc of t time, and it. S it.
Sometimes s I t, and I did my best, too, ts ;Is t really means to you?" s it before trying again. Sometimes, t rate, hand on my knee and all.
One Friday nig my table and sat in t we could be alone.
It ting t been leaving his was a good ge for her.
Sine about opped ill as stunning as it time Id seen do-my mom s s inside-ook her hand.
"tonig; I said.
Surention bae. "ting me.”
I paused. "her holding up?”
Jamie sig;Not too .”
"he loves you dearly, you know.”
"I know.”
"So do I," I said, and en her again.
"ill you keep ing over to my ; s;Even later, you know, when . . . ?”
I squeezed enougo let I meant w I said.
"As long as you me to e, Ill be there.”
"e dont o read t to.”
"Yes," I said softly, "I think we do.”
S;Youre a good friend, Landon. I dont kno you.”
Surning tting across from me, s.
"I love you, Jamie," I said again, but time s frigead our eyes met across table, and I co suro me again. I kissed urn.
"I love you, too," she finally whispered.
to hear.
I dont knoold about I someed it because ine c all. It o leave ter sued. I ten as explaio Jamie t ;Okay, Daddy," I alo open t me in, and silently pull out and , buttoning t up all t t zippers, t o me, even after Jamie and Id begun to read together.
till didnt like me in t to e in. I kne part of to do t Jamie to get g oive o at t I t needed some time alooo, and t talk to me about t time ay. I o stay in t was all.
Jamie ill moving around fairly er reak ble part of January t lasted nine days, ferest in leaving ter stand on t a couple of mio breathe fresh sea air.
her
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S since last summer.
t sold me, ttered t brief moment, time opped and I uood everyt ood o do tood first nig o ears in ood ime and I kept ing by tely clear.
ed Cmas at to be so special . . .
to college . . .
hy shed given me her Bible . . .
It all made perfect sense, and at time, noto make any se all.
Jamie Sullivan had leukemia . . .
Jamie, s Jamie, was dying . . .
My Jamie. . .
"No, no," I o be some mistake. . . .”
But t, and blank. My arted to spin, and I g to igo keep from losing my balance. O I saos to keep trotted across topped to smell some busanding on a stepladder, taking doing to go away.
"Im so sorry, Landon," s saying over and over. It my fusio me from saying anything.
Deep do go ao do, tears filling my eyes, trying and failing to be think she needed.
e cried togetreet for a long time, just a little opeely t t . e cried er t afternoon, and my moto boted to call tor because t someto my fat made t to ion, o be o before hed even finished.
Everyone in tion stared in silent disbelief at t ing for a pune none of told. t ohe wailing began.
e sat told me, and Jamie patiently ansions. S kno anytors could do. It didnt respond to available treatment. Yes, ed, s fi until t fe sarted to feel its effects.
"ts progresses," s;You feel fine, and t keep fig.”
Stifling my tears, I couldnt t the play.
"But all t have-”
"Maybe," sting me off. "Doing t kept me hy for so long.”
Later, sold me t seven montors had given her a year, maybe less.
t mig. treated her.
t ty years ago, and I k.
Only a miracle could save her.
" you tell me?”
tion I asked Id been t. I slept t nigill so sado anger and back again, all nig so and praying t terrible nightmare.
e o tion. It was January 10, 1959.
Jamie didnt look as depressed as I t s t o knorusted even me. I and frig time.
"Id made a decision," so me, "t it ter if I told no one, and I asked my fato do ter today. No oo live, is t ?”
I k didnt make it any easier. I time in my life, pletely and utterly at a loss.
Id never o me die before, at least not a I could remember. My grandmot remember a si feer ories, of course, from bot to me ts exactly ories I mig some ake me flo only for t behind.
No one in my family or my circle of friends o front someteen, a cill very muc time. I only for for me as o ever get angry in okay to talk about ture anymore? My fear made talking to , tient h me.
My fear, made it all ed to spend time een days. teen days seemed like my entire life, but now, w here would be.
On Monday s s s lunco class. Sh school forever; she would never receive her diploma.
I couldnt trate on anyt in class t first day back, listening as teacer teacold us of us had already heard.
to told stories about e for answers.
"I dont kno; was all I could say.
I left sies, bloer lunch.
t t, it seemed, a care in the world.
"; s;this is a surprise.”
o kiss me, I kissed to cry.
"My fat no if youd like to sit on the porch, we .”
"; I asked suddenly. "end t nothing is wrong?”
"Im not pretending t not me get my coat and outside and talk, okay?”
S me, ing for an a and patted my arm.
"Ill be rig; she said.
I o t do later. S, gloves, and a to keep er nearly as cold as it ill, t oo much for her.
"You in scoday," I said.
S;I know.”
"Are you ever going to e back?" Even to from her.
"No," sly, "Im not.”
" sick already?" I started to tear up, and s and took my hand.
"No. today I feel pretty good, actually. Its just t I to be o go to t to spend as mucime h him as I .”
Before I die,s to say but didnt. I felt ed and couldnt respond.
"ors first told us," s on, "t I sry to lead as normal a life as possible for as long as I could. t h up.”
"t t; I said bitterly.
"I know.”
"Arent yhtened?”
Someed o sayno, to say someto explain to me t presume to uand the Lords plan.
S;Yes," s;Im frigime.”
"t you act like it?”
"I do. I just do it in private.”
"Because you dont trust me?”
"No," s;because I know youre frigoo.”
I began to pray for a miracle.
time, and Id read about them in neers.
People regaining use of ter being told terrible act raveling preat up outside of Beaufort, and people o co a couple, and t most of t even I couldnt explain. Old man So berenc an act- imes o sneak off . But tarted praying feveris loud, making people practically jump out of ts. errified look on ouce- poker, but ttering t;I ; Even believe it. "t; to , " do ao our prayers.”
So t nig Jamie mas and began to read. Noo be frank, I just remembered ts-tes could leave Egypt, Jonaer or raising Lazarus from too. I kne practically every cer of tacular, but I learians ament, and I didnt kno t books like Jos nig I read ticus , folloeronomy. t a little sloain parts, especially as all t I couldnt put it do I didnt fully uand.
It e one nigired by time I eventually reae I y-tarts, "t ," but I ed to read to be more important ter an ion t I assumed Jamie ed because it meant someto it said:I cry to you, my Lord, my rock! Do not be deaf to me, for if you are silent, I so t like t. ition as I cry to you for oward your holy of holies.
I closed tears in my eyes, uo finishe psalm.
Some for me.
"I dont knoo do," I said numbly, staring into t of my bedroom lamp. My mom and I ting on my bed. It difficult mont in February t worse.
"I kno; s;but thing you do.”
"I dont mean about Jamie being sick-I kno t.
I mean about Jamie and me.”
My mot me sympatically. S Jamie, but s me. I on.
"Its o talk to t be able to. So I spend all my time at sc t o knoo say.”
"I dont knoo make ter.”
"t should I do?”
S me sadly and put ;You really love you," she said.
"it.”
S;s your telling you to do?”
"I dont know.”
"Maybe," sly, "youre trying too o .”
t day I ter muyself t I say anyt mig Id try to talk to s exactly . I sat myself on old some of my friends and ball team. I told I still t I old o graduation. I spoke as to scire time. Jamie smiled and te times, asking questions every no I time I finisalking t it time I . It didnt feel rigo either of us.
My elling me exactly thing.
I turo t it would guide me.
"; I asked a couple of days later.
By noake on a sligint, and tarting th her skin.
Again I saw bruises. e were inside oo muco bear.
Despite all till looked beautiful.
"Im doing okay," sly. "tors seems to tle.”
Id been ing by every day. time seemed to be slo exactly time.
" I get anything for you?”
"No, thank you, Im doing fine.”
I looked around t her.
"Ive been reading t; I finally said.
"You ; up, reminding me of t believe t only six weeks had gone by.
"I ed you to know.”
"Im glad you told me.”
"I read t nig; I said, " to Job to test h.”
S to pat my arm, on my skin. It felt nice. "You ss not about God in one of ter moments.”
" to him?”
"I dont kno; she said.
"Do you ever feel like Job?”
Stle times.”
"But you lost your faith?”
"No." I khink I was losing mine.
"Is it because you t get better?”
"No," s;its because its t.”
After t, arted reading toget some to do, but my elliill mighing more.
At nig it.
Reading to focus on, and all of a suddearted to get better bet as doing someto offend could be m kno, I ted ture, and occasionally he room.
Otimes Id be sitting beside tc of t time, and it. S it.
Sometimes s I t, and I did my best, too, ts ;Is t really means to you?" s it before trying again. Sometimes, t rate, hand on my knee and all.
One Friday nig my table and sat in t we could be alone.
It ting t been leaving his was a good ge for her.
Sine about opped ill as stunning as it time Id seen do-my mom s s inside-ook her hand.
"tonig; I said.
Surention bae. "ting me.”
I paused. "her holding up?”
Jamie sig;Not too .”
"he loves you dearly, you know.”
"I know.”
"So do I," I said, and en her again.
"ill you keep ing over to my ; s;Even later, you know, when . . . ?”
I squeezed enougo let I meant w I said.
"As long as you me to e, Ill be there.”
"e dont o read t to.”
"Yes," I said softly, "I think we do.”
S;Youre a good friend, Landon. I dont kno you.”
Surning tting across from me, s.
"I love you, Jamie," I said again, but time s frigead our eyes met across table, and I co suro me again. I kissed urn.
"I love you, too," she finally whispered.
to hear.
I dont knoold about I someed it because ine c all. It o leave ter sued. I ten as explaio Jamie t ;Okay, Daddy," I alo open t me in, and silently pull out and , buttoning t up all t t zippers, t o me, even after Jamie and Id begun to read together.
till didnt like me in t to e in. I kne part of to do t Jamie to get g oive o at t I t needed some time alooo, and t talk to me about t time ay. I o stay in t was all.
Jamie ill moving around fairly er reak ble part of January t lasted nine days, ferest in leaving ter stand on t a couple of mio breathe fresh sea air.
her
（本章未完，请点击下一页继续阅读）
记住手机版网址：wap.966xs.com