t nig made rivers of er t ran ^y be doors, into tcill-room and tries. e o cut s our supper so t Mr ay and C lay doood iles at a backstairs g. S the sky.
Pity t sea, she said.
I up early to Mauds rooms, and sat in t k I ood and put o ning flashed again, and she saw me, and jumped.
Are you here? she said.
leman. I t, Sell me no sood gazing at me, and o ood as o
undress ood ilemans arms, and ttle from o guard it. In ill, but lifted eady drip, drip in one of ttics. Do you er voice: thunder is moving away
I t of ts, filling er. I t of t sea. I t of t hinking of me.
thousand pounds! she had said. My crikey!
Maud lifted es, I t.
But after all, shing.
opped and till. Maud lay, as pale as milk: came and s it aside a it. Sly, about not look or act like a lover. I t shough. I supposed her feelings had dazed her.
Scleman e, as so Mr Lilly, so made me bilious. But , as usual, to to t a little near it, and gazed at to en. t black birds us, looking for c me and le. She said,
You are sad, Sue.
I shook my head.
I ts my fault. I you to
time after time, t you it is, to o lose it.
I looked away.
Its all rig doesnt matter.
S;
I t of my mot I s , Maud said quietly now,
And doesnt trouble you, my asking?—her die of?
I t for a moment. I said at last t s had choked her.
I really did kno died t ared at me, and put o . t omb.
ly, if you pin yourself?
It seemed an odd sort of question; but, of course, I o s of told her I should feel very ashamed and sad.
ould you? serest in kno killed my moto blame for abbed h my own hand!
Srangely at tips. I said,
nonsense. ? t to be sorry.
No-one made me t, s it myself.
ts ter. As if a girl could stop herself from being born!
I . One of tarted up from betones, its ing t sounded like a carpet being snapped out of a urned our o see it fly; and hem.
I t, do you o cry for? Youre in love, youre in love. I tried to remind her.
Mr Rivers, I began. But she name and shivered.
Look at t he new rain, look!
S ter anot ears. I to ouched her arm.
Put your cloak about you, I said. No me lift en it, as a d I t dra I made umble o ttle g c above it ed ruck t tremble. Our skirts er at tood close to one anotig traig. She said,
Mr Rivers o marry him, Sue.
S in a flat voice, like a girl saying a lesson; and ted so o , w heavy as hers. I said,
Ohing!
A drop of rain fell between our faces.
Are you truly? so t on miserably, I am sorry. For I told s four years until I am ty-one. o so long?
Of course, . I said, carefully, Are you sure, about your uncle?
S spare me, so long as till, to be read and noted; and tlemans son, but—
But your ue enough a swell?
S if t go any?
S o in ear. o see. I said, You mustnt cry. I toug t. I said, truly, miss, you mustnt cry. Do you to .
My o meant to be taken, and touc to keep , for ever!
Sterly than I had ever heard her speak before. I said,
Your uncle loves you, Im sure. But Mr Rivers— t caug, and I cougoo.
You terday, beside t. udio—o take me t as as t. to for me will kill , Sue?
Sed. I t, Its not a lie, its not a lie, it now. I said,
I kno, miss.
S t, w he do?
ask your uncle.
!
t find anot moved do t. Still not t take . . .?
Sed o mine and blinked back ears. So left and ttle closer. She said, in a whisper:
Youll tell no-one, Sue?
tell t, miss?
Sating. You must promise not to tell. You must s!
I sime t No was.
t. Mr Rivers, sly t go a night.
At night! I said.
be privately married. try to claim me t t once I am a—a wife.
of tone on hers grave. I said,
You must follow your , miss.
I am not sure. After all, I am not sure.
But to love, and to le. I said, You love you?
Surned a little, and still looked queer, and anshen she said,
I dont know.
Dont kno? Doesnt your blood beat ouc you s you dream of night?
S hings mean I love him?
Of course! else could they mean?
S ansead, s ogetroked t upon erday touched his lips.
Only noroking t it. S nursing t cer, and rying to rub t away.
S love all. She was afraid of him.
I dreh. She opened her eyes and held my gaze.
will you do? I said, in a whisper.
I do? Ss me. o make me his.
You might—say no.
S believe I . I could not believe it, either.
Say no to c see all. And t you t ing, t me choice have I?
eady and so bare, I flinc. I did not ans, but turned and gazed do tood against, and ting c closed, and t kind of lock. t are t keep ts guarded. to crack. Mr Ibbs taug. I closed my eyes and saw o Maud, and said,
Marry for your uncles o like , in time. till t, and do everything he says.
For a sed, sc t; but it hen her face grew clear. She said,
I . But, I t go alone. You mustnt make me go e on my o e h me. Say you will. Say youll e and be my maid, in my new life, in London!
I said I Gentleman I would he carriage she
would call me me a maid of my own.
For you know I shall be very rich, she said simply, once I am married?
Sc my arm, and to mine. er. I t I did not pull ao try and find out. I did not o see my face. I t have been awful.
t afternoon s out s and ing, as usual; but tayed dry. Gentleman came to o ood before o pull o Maud. in a quiet, fierce voice, and sated o sig t , myself, and even sful. S me; and e free, before Sue? Youve told uro me ure of o look at anyt her.
Ao your mistress, be her friend now! If you ever looked kindly on a pair of foolish lovers, look kindly on us!
me. I gazed hard back.
So , Mr Rivers—
O t. Do you mean to slight me?
Shen.
ts better.
ill on ilted upwards. Soued hem quickly back. She said,
Sue be careful, Richard.
he smiled and shook his head. he said,
And you t? epped from my s my ambition. And at its tre tly, so carefully and jar, you s knoaken.
, e o turned ale easier. t, and talked in murmurs.
And I remembered all s t, t ten it no love him, when hes so handsome and seems so kind?
I t, Of course sco ouc, ?
t my gaze and, stupidly, I blusoo. he said,
You knoies, Sue. Youve a careful eye. e s, in time. But today—le business, t ake you elsewhere?
ured o the door of Mauds bedroom.
t for you, he said, if you do.
I almost stood. I almost . So used , to playing t. te gone from suppose Margaret or one of to the door?
? said Gentleman. And if t ly silent. t me. Be kind, Sue, o lovers. Did you never of your own?
I migill . No suddenly, pretend to be a lord; he
s. I slept beside er; urn agaio, like t! It . It ugged about and made nervous. I t, Damn you, Ill get my t the same!
So I said, I s leave Miss Lilly. like it. And if Mrs Stiles o , then I should lose my place.
me and fro look at me at all; but I knew seful. Sly,
After all, Ric ask too mucime enougo be toget we?
t rue. t close before ter a a one anoturbed. I Maud . And ook to rembled so back to all times I cremble before, and trembling for love. Oood at ten did, studying ood te, turned. Sepped very sloly, from to to to t, across til so look at my of velvet, brushed my own.
You sely, s, not titches were crooked.
tood and said noto ask me, but dared not. In the end she moved away again.
And so our trap—t I so ligo lay—; and ed only time to go quickly by
and spring it. Gentleman ary until t to stay out ract to t—So t t to e, laugain oto leave o—t is, t day of t, instead of taking train for London, , and e back to t t, for me and Maud. steal be caug marry and find ake all figured out. fetc, for it past te- t a boat and take o some small out-of-t be known as Mr Lillys niece.
Noo marry a girl at any c for fifteen days; but up, as er Maud ook a riding off to Maiden a special lice for t meant t o put out t about ty, looking out for t kind of c s age, owo pounds so w h.
omen like t lemen like back to Briar t nigo Mauds parlour and sat us doo us in murmurs of all he had done.
o leave off eating, and t t ogether.
three weeks, she said.
I t I kneo
make ing thinking.
S them.
For, so love o like ill s—to face ouc first o be slow. o hen, when she greard or fused he would say,
Oo practise on my love.
No indeed, s?
I dont t.
Not love you?
You s. Pero catcheres someone else you care for?
t o prove t t. Siff, or . Sometimes s e t did not deserve ougo give o a better lover; t ing of t. No to be sure put oo muc. But t kno and came spilling.
Let you? I said to o find a book for you see s care for it, ering ?
me queerly for a sed; t care for it? .
She is afraid of you.
S let ty as muc the end.
it a filthy kind of joke.
ss from you is to be taken from Briar, I said. For t, shing.
ts, in t all. take it in ts of t you s listen to e and listen ? So your room, tonigake me to co see beats. You could put back o see.
I king back urned away from him. I said,
You should never find my room.
I s, all rigtle knife-boy. tle boy, tering moutretd creeping. I to look. Or, s like to he poem.
I ks arms; and one a cat being tipped do knoioned now, knowing made me peevish.
You leave urned rich.
O er your spell y? ake so t ladies, y, and Johey could see your blushes now?
t , I said, firing up. Maybe I do. ?
God damn it, urn. did a soft ever dirl like you? do, firl like Dainty? Except, pero to s your qualms? Ss yrip, on tays— on . Fods sake, look at you! I urned and picked up o fold it. from my idy? do you imagine you oo en to me. I knoalk to me as if s Briar for kindness sake—nor as if you came out of sness of temper! Your —as you call it—and er all: ters you art pumping waug.
Mrs Sucksby taugs of t w you are saying now.
Mrs Sucksby kept you too close, oo close. t, calling you slooo close, too long. too muc.
Go and fuck it, I said.
At t get up and me. But , and reaco grip tly,
Let me see you in your tantrums again and I one. Do you uand me? I o do you if I must. Sell o tend o put on your old stuff goo Lant Street hing?
I said,I sell Mr Lilly!
Do you to hear you?
tell Maud.
Go a tell it, t I ail , and cloven o act my crimes upon tage. No-one expects to meet a man like me in life, to believe you. S afford to believe you! For s marry me noay of ?
could I say? Sold me s. So I . But from t point on, I ted or t of Mauds slippers on tairs, and after a sed t bad of curtsey. quickly to o the fire.
You are cold, he said.
tood before tel, but I sa t me. teful head.
Oerribly stern today.
Maud looked up. s this? she said.
I shing. he said,
Poor Sue is easing her, while you were gone.
teasing her, how? she asked, half-smiling, half-frowning.
alking of not you! So . S at all. I told of gazing at you; sold me to o my room. I said my ears of your s voice; sed to call for Margaret t castor-oil to put in te s your kisses. Sold me to take it and— he paused.
And w? said Maud.
ell, put it in my pocket.
me, in a doubtful .
ed still s your kisses, he said.
Sated, took in ouc t t. Not t here.
urned and sated again, to it. It covered h, her nose, and half her face.
my eye, and nodded. I turned a look at him.
For , damn about Maud—for I kne, le and , about me. o t to make Mrs Sucksbys fortune. o o Mr Ibbs—and to Jo, let slip thousand pounds, because—
Because ? tain standing. I er of a murderess. I ations. Fine feelings in they be?
And t all up— save Maud? Say I leman in a mad say muco her ces.
But oo pure, too simple. So be spoiled.
Besides, nobodys co do badly, did t mean I must?
I didnt t did. So though, as I have said, I was sorry for her,
I quite sorry enougo to try and save of telling rutleman as t all, t and keep us from our fortune. I let le. I cry to make ime t to take rick ccc s of be a leman any man but t marry; and I ed it, but turned a, It t be , Its their business.
But, ried to give up to myself, So you, tried to pluck t of my , tayed t or e I uro over my ears to keep out in to o be able to feel gold. It my kno pulled me to was like—
Its like you love .
It made a c made me nervous and afraid. I t s me a—entleman , or Mrs Stiles. I imagined getting back to Lant Street, reac of Jo of done anyt. It I t of I felt o me, ogs: to keep of like to fold t. ook to going about t as I day at Briar—
and looking at all taken up and toucure. t. ould to dress o stand and, close to tudy my face as Id seen udying hers.
ten days to go, I o myself. ten days, and you will be rich!
But Id say it, and across t e t o t being so mud, trap t little bit closer and tig o prise apart.
Of course, s too. It made o s—made , lie in iffly, more ly, more like a little clock, for safetys sake; or else, to keep time from running on too fast. Id cake ea—pick up , put it do up and sip again, like a macitco turn my gaze. Id time I back ted tooto I could not imagine, noting a fio being ordinary . . .
So dream again. So . Once or tirring; and so my side and lay and simes s me, times sions. Am I real? Do you see me? Am I real?
Go back to sleep, I said, one nig he end.
Im afraid to, she said. Oh, Sue, Im afraid . . .
ime, at all t soft and clear, and so un . ttle rus t s lit must its sself out. tains of t struck my mouth.
" is it? I said.
She said, I dreamed— I dreamed I was married
I turned my my ear. too loud, it seemed, in the silence. I moved my head again. I said,
ell, you shall be married, soon, for real.
Shall I?
You know you so sleep.
But, s. I felt ill but very stiff. I felt ting of . At last she said again, in a whisper: Sue—
is it, miss?
S hink me good? she said.
S, as a c. turned again, and peered into to try and make out her face.
Good, miss? I said, as I squinted.
You do, she said unhappily.
Of course!
I wis. I wis. I wish— I wish I was wise.
I I did not say it. I said you hose books of your uncles?
S ans beat it lurc . then she spoke.
Sue, sell me—
tell me trut s to say; and my o like o s. I t, S t, thank God!
But it t. It t, at all. Sh
again, and again I felt o ask some a it , I t last, t from her.
I is a do, on !
I oo. It oo dark to see.
I said, Dont you know?
I knohing.
But you dont know w?
how should I?
But truly, miss: you mean, you dont know?
you see, dont you see? I am too ignorant even to kno is I am ignorant of! S eady. I t, unnatural voice, I t?
Again, I felt the word, kiss. Again, I blushed.
ill he? she said.
Yes, miss.
I felt h?
On your mouth, I should say.
On my mouted o last, teness of er t ougo burned out. I ime I ever did—t t. Only t have shrunk, or fallen away.
else, s me to do?
I t, Say it quick. Quick . Quid plain. But it h her.
, I said, after a moment, to embrace you.
ill. I t. She said,
You mean, to stand h me in his arms?
S, and I pictured once, ilemans grip. I saanding—as you do see men and girls, sometimes, at nig urn your eyes. I tried to turn my eyes, no, of course, could not, for to turn to, t, brigern slides.
I greful way,
to stand. Its rougand. You only stand o lie in or must be quick. A gentleman would embrace .
A bed, shis?
Pero so shape, when youve finished!
I laug t too loud. Maud flinco frown.
Finis? she embrace?
Finis, I said.
But do you mean, the embrace?
Finis. I tururned again. is! ?—Finis. I be plainer?
I talk instead of beds, of feat are to me? You talk of it. s it?
It is is tual tarts you off. t es over you, like—like ing to dao a time, to music. have you never—?
Never w?
Never mind, I said. I still moved, restlessly. You must not mind. It will be easy. Like dang is.
But dang is not easy, s be taugo dance. You taught me.
t.
?
ts of o dance. You only do to you, when once you have begun.
I felt t o me. I dont t kisses start me off. Mr Riverss kisses never ain necessary muscle or nerve—?
I said, Fods sake, miss. Are you a girl, or a surgeon? Of course your moutight, like a spring. I rose from my pillow. here are your lips? I said.
My lips? sone of surprise. they are here.
I found them, and kissed her.
I kne all rigy like kissing aste, first. t moved against mi opened. I felt ongue. I felt —
I , only to s I lay , starting up in me, everytart in leman kissed made me giddy. It made me blus made me drunk. I dre, from hers. I said, in a whisper,
Do you feel it?
to my tongue. S ansill I t suddenly, if Ive put rance? Say s? ever ell her uncle—?
ted a little. And then she spoke.
I feel it, srange as mine. You . Its sug thing. I never—
It s Mr Rivers, I said.
Does it?
I t must.
I dont kno know.
S sed again, and t brougo me. o mi . She said again, Im afraid.
Dont be frig once. For I k be t. Say s shtened she cried off marrying him?
ts . I t I must so do it, or . So, I kissed oucoug of our mout t ers of our lips—touco and s of turning solid and growing quick, under my hand.
So sill afraid. to soo. I fot to tleman, after t. I t only of ears, I kissed them away.
You pearl, I said. So we she was! You pearl, you pearl, you pearl.
It o say, in t o do. But m I rips of grey ligains of t I , My God. Maud lay, still sleeping, ogetoo, and I brougo touc. took t smelt of of t . Beic. Did cell you it es on you like a sneeze; but a sneeze is noto it, not all—
I s tip of one fio my to tasted sharp—like vinegar, like blood.
Like money.
I gre. I got up, not looking
at to my room. I began to feel ill. Perer seemed to sting. I ed. I sloo o fasten trings of dress. I ied t.
I sa, and my insides s wed o mine, I looked away.
I looked ao speak. Sc t s came, er: I stood pulling clot at t. Maud kept to left. I put out a goticoats and s out er.
ill you e, I said, so I may dress you?
Sood, and slooo hard.
I covered it up. S opped me. S ress, after all! But, so tood dorembling of my fingers against say. Only w finis co search for words. She said,
a t I?
You did, I said. My voice was shaking. No dreams.
No dreams, s t one. I t, Sue
S ing. I sa in . Mio matc, my very turned in my
breast; and I t if I o me t back; and everyt knoo keep e. e miged Gentleman. I migo Lant Street—
But if I did t, s for t of telling rutrembled do it. Soo simple. Soo good. If tain upon —! But t crimson bruise. A single kiss . he Bh?
And t my side?
I of Mrs Sucksby. Maud c t pin to of velvet. I swallowed, and said,
In your dream? I dont t me. I sepped to tte almost smoked already. You will miss !
e day. e . So take my arm, and I dreting do ty place beside her and said,
ts are gro you tter on your own . . .?
I bay narros ss like pieces of pastry. I urning, and sig; and I turned, and sig t t ugging, tugging at my —so me. A imes I almost rose, almost in to imes I t, Go to ing? Go back to every time, I t of lie beside ing to touc
ing to kiss ing to save her.
So, I did not nigoo, and t after t; and soon, ts: time, t , t oo late to g.
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